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(and i didn't want to stay up late) [14 Jun 2006|10:03pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Uptown Girls // Billy Joel ] wow, i haven't written in forever since before nikki's party and it's actually amazing! this thing used to be my life but then i found some interesting people and started doing other things, i'm rarely home! updates.. nikki's party was really fun the next morning me and allie got in a battle and it was funn<3 school's been alright tomorrow's our last half day and then just three regents which i'm pretty nervous about my global one because i don't really pay attention oh well, i guess? lately i've been with chris because i love him and he makes me completely happy. this past weekend has been amazing thursday was andy's 16th birthday so friday we threw a party at chris's drank of course i got pretty smashed did some things i would NEVER do when i was sober i woke up crying saturday because i hated myself for it but hey, i have an excuse, i was drunk so yeah, it's a logical excuse both chris's say so, and they both rock so pretty much, you're "beat".. uhm saturday i came home early i felt fucking disgusting around 3 erika, ceira, and raychil came and got me just us four hung out for a while got shawn and went places.. then around 8ish we got dropped off and around 10 we met andy.. drank on the railroad tracks and then he came back here:) i fell asleep first, i was pretty tired from the night before the next day he was here until like 3 jay and dana got pissed off at him which i don't blame them for but then again, i probably would've done the same thing why sit there and watch people smoke when you could be with wonderful samantha and erika? beats me;) today was a good day went to school, left after 6th called chris(not lewis) he came and picked becca up a pack of cigarettes and then we went back to his house.. talked and waited for chwissy to wake up then we just hung out and watched movies! we played frisbee and ate and all those good things me and erika were going to stay the night there but we didn't, which is totally understandable! idk what else to write except for people are still douche bags i love erika nicole johnson and andrew james flynn and of course elax gene farella.. ...and some other kids can rot in hell:) i'll write sometime? love you all, have fun!

(8 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [02 Jun 2006|09:02pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | She's the blade / / Sugarcult ] wow, people are fucking shitty, i seriously can't even deal with the fact that some people have no fucking common sense, and have to fuck up everything else for others, just because they're miserable. congrats to you fucks :)... so today was pretty shot, first period me shawna and eleica went to mcdonalds, and then the rest of the school day sucked.. jay faught papa again, for what? who knows, honestly who cares...it's pathetic.. 9th shawna came outside with me and me and danielle (not lundy) talked, then we went to see robbin(our old bus driver)..came home after, and just talked to some kids, faught with some others, because they're inconsiderate bastards and have nothing better to do than to start shit.. i guess there's a lot of people not going to nikki's party, i feel bad :\ sara and danielle can't go because i'm going to be there, and their parents hate me. so awesome!:)...oh well, i don't have any control over that, i offered to not go so they could, but nikki wants me to go<3.. i hope people show, because i love her and if they don't then they're fucking retarded...except for the people that can't<3 tomorrow, casey and andy are going to the mall with me. i'm really glad andy is, i haven't seen him since two saturdays ago, and i miss him terribly (even though i talk to him everyday)...he claims his birthday is june 10th, but he also claimed that his middle name was "angle" i still hate him for that!!     i don't know what's going on anymore, somedays i feel like i need to run away. from here, myself, and jay. all he's been doing is feeding me bullshit and of course like a fucking moron i am, i believe it.. mon mon and him broke, i actually do feel bad..i shouldn't, but i do. he's all upset, but honestly that's his own fault..if he never cheated on her, or any of his girlfriends he'd be able to keep one. so sunday was bullshit, his words were bullshit, and it shouldn't have happened i guess.. i shouldn't miss him, so he says...but hey i'm my own person. i'll feel however the fuck i want. chris called here tonight, and it was nice of him. he's really awesome! he calmed me down, because he laughs at every rude thing i have to say!:) i talked to nikki on the phone, and she's honestly a really good person, and if you doubt that FUCK OFF<3 i miss shawn michael, i haven't seen him in a while...i wish he'd call, or something to let me know he's doing okay :( well, i'm going to get going..i'll write when there's something more interesting to write about<3         nikki marie, i love you..andrew james, i adore you...and casey lauren i fucking adore you more than anything!

(1 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [31 May 2004|09:24pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | I will crumble // mike vogel ] well, i haven't written since friday before the doctors...the doctors went alright, they hurt but "shit happens"...came home and then around noonish, we went looking for flowers...got some, me and shawna came back and planted them...then went walking and got into an abandoned house, and there wasn't really anything exciting in there..she had to pee, so i waited for her at the end of jay's driveway...he came up and we talked for a little, peter came so me and shawna left...then later on me and shawna went walking again...came home at 3 and fell asleep...woke up at like 11:30 the next day and took the fourwheeler over to jays, went all over..got pulled over by a sherrif. then came home...she left around 8 and around 9 nikki's mom came and got me..went to her house and ate, cut pictures out, and then watched wuthering heights...such a good god damn movie...even though it relates to my life, so damn scary :x then we went to bed, woke up at 9 on sunday and came home..my sister came down and we argued, then i went to syracuse to drop her off, some horrible shit happened there but i'm soo not posting it on this..then came back and around nine casey came...around 11:30 we left and walked to jay's...saw him drew and dana and they met us on the railroad tracks, went back in his tree house and played poker...drew taught me!:)...jay and dana drank, there was vodka there and i didn't drink it...only cause i love casey! so much crazy shit happened, jay probably woke up today fucking paralized...i've never seen him that drunk, ever...dana's just a weirdo but i adore him..they both attempted walking us "half way home", and because they both suck we ended up walking them back home because knowing jay and dana they would've gotten hit by a car...me and casey made it home around 5:30, went to bed and didn't wake up until like 2:30, watched wuthering heights again and then ate some fries...she left around 5:15...         well, i'll write some other time.. error on last entry, nikki's party is saturday!

(2 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [28 May 2004|06:46am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Sleeping In / / The Postal Service ] i'm off being grounded! (well i think o_O) they let shawna stay the night last night! :D but it wasn't like we went anywhere, the furthest we went was the minetto school, and swung and looked at little kids. than we came back here and attempted to play monopoly, but it just didn't work. so we called andy and played "hawt or nawt" and "would you fuck them, and if not how many beers would it take?" haha and then me and andy got into some weird conversation, but it's acceptable because we always do :] tonight, i want to do something...just don't know what yet.. my parents are going to be out all day tomorrow, so i can do whatever (even if i am grounded).. i have a doctors appoitment to go to soon, leaving in like 10 minutes or so. i honestly don't want to go, but heyy i guess it's better if i do o_O.. i'm going to be so damn miserable when i get home, and jay seems to think he's stopping by but i know he won't be able to handle it, so there's no point in it. i want andy to come over tonight, and i have to wait until 3 o'clock to talk to him, because he's in school :[ nikki's party next friday! i guess amy's not going because jay's going, which whatever i think it's pathetic...and i guess tara was saying something to nikki about him coming because "no one" likes him...but why would nikki invite him, and it's not tara's say....and if no one liked him why is he coming with me? wow, real cool. i can already tell tara's going to jazzy at this party<3 (the whole speech about the no one likes him, jay said last night so i thought i'd steal it from him!)       well, i'm going to get going, i'll write sometime<3

(2 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [26 May 2004|05:40pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Come Together // the beatles ] today was somewhat good, i ache though...a lot. jay did a number on me. gross bruises left on my body. i showed my mommy and she got a tad bit mad but i told her how i started it so she said i deserved it. today i skipped ninth with megan. we picked flowers for dusty to give to ceira. and then i gave some to sarah, because she rocks! my daddy picked me mike and dale up after school, we were supposed to get flowers, but i never did because my dad's a freak. but we got home and i wanted salsa so i made my dad take me on the motorcycle to fulton just to get salsa, and then we went looking at pretty flowers and rode around for a little while. came home and went down to bubba's, nothing really exciting happened today...       people are doing well, as it seems. i hope so, because i'm doing good. me and jay are friends again, as you can tell...but i'm taking about 1000 steps back, and he probably thinks i'm being a bitch but it feels like we're dating again and the feeling just doesn't feel normal..so jay, sorry if i'm being a bitch it just seems really weird to me, as it probably does to you too! on other notes, andy and i are getting close too, but i adore andy and it doesn't feel like we're dating so i like where we're at right now..i made a mends with tyler, but that probably went down the drain because he still doesn't acknowledge me, so whatever...sara slight rocks, and so doesn't danielle...and i just fucking love erika and casey...and everyone else..all my friends are fly, especially dustin!   i have nothing to write about anymore, so goodbye<3

(4 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [24 May 2004|09:58pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Starseed // Our Lady Peace ***props to dana murray*** ] i love casey lauren knight so much!!!     so me and casey are getting wicked close, which is really awesome. i adore her, and right now she seems like the only one that supports what i think. my other friends do, but i don't think they cleary understand it as much as she does. casey lauren knight, i adore you more than words can express <3 but anyways, today was really good for me. except i'm aching and i think i hurt shaun (which again, i am sorry) so yeah, every class was really good. only i wouldn't know about ninth, because i don't like attending. which i probably should. haha, but whom cares? mrs hill, obviously she has to write me up. why should she care? it's not a credit, not a god damn grade. bitchhhh! i enjoy being outside ninth and not in the fucking classroom, it's fucking beautiful out, why not enjoy it? today me and sara got the shit kicked out of us, because everyone's jealous of our realationship. i love her, and she loves me<3 some people got on my nerves, won't discuss any names though o_O. when i got home i went out with my daddy for a little while, because since i'm grounded i have nothing better to do. got home and slept. woke up around 6:30 ate dinner and talked to casey. her, jay, and andy are the only ones i really talk to on the phone...but it's all good :] i hope tomorrow's beautiful out, i really want to explore tomorrow when i get home from school...ohhh and as of last night, i can go to nikki's party...so excited!         and did i mention that i loved erika johnson? <3         i'll write tomorrow kids peace and boys!

(2 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [23 May 2004|03:47pm] it sucks, i'm so bored because i'm grounded. i fucking hate it..and i swear i hope i can go to nikki's party because i already feel shitty, but i'm almost positive my dad will give in, because i rock! or just because i own him! o_O.. so after i wrote yesterday i did absolutely nothing, talked to casey lauren knight for actually a long time. we talked of crazy things, and i adore her! elax called me a lot last night, we barely talked though because i was in a deep conversation with her! around midnight jay called, completely plastered. i loved it, it was so halarious. listening to him  to tell me stories, but he couldn't. made my night peachy keen. he fell asleep on me, so i read him a little kids story Rugrats Blast Off ahh man, he didn't get to hear it, such an amazing story. and i sang to him and everything, because i had nothing better to do at 3 in the morning! we're becomming friends again and it soo rocks because i missed the way we used to be before we dated. hopefully we'll become best friends because we both sooo rock and we're so fly, that we should just be best friends!? haha yeah. so he's going to nikki's party with me, which will be cool. we're totally going to beat the shit out of each other, and i'll win because i'm the woman! anyways, today i woke up at 10:30 to my mother bitching over only god knows what, and i just couldn't fall back asleep. so i got up and just hung around, talked to people, ate lunch and harrassed my mother <3 and right now, i just got done digging up dirt in the flower beds in order to plant my beautiful flowers!!! i'll write either later or tomorrow   i love you all, especially andrew james flynn because he's my bestest friend in the whole entire world and i have no fucking idea where i'd be without him! :]

(2 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [22 May 2004|08:29pm] stolen fromfathomtsiwt       ( boreddd )       well, right now i'm on the phone with andy if you couldn't tell...so i'm peacin' away from this and talking to him..       peace and boys..

(2 | and i didn't want to stay up late) [22 May 2004|05:35pm] well, i thought that i should make a public journal. i actually don't know why i thought i would. i still haveicameasarat_ so, no one erase that! but i'm extremely bored and i can't leave my house, because i'm grounded. it sucks, but i know i should be.. my parents say i am until the end of the school year, which i have to talk to them about. just to give me back two days...for nikki marie's birthday party. i'm sure my mom will let me (i'm hoping). if i can't go i'll feel so fucking horrible, because i promised her i'd be there and then i had to go and fuck up.. so anyways, last night was actually fun. the most fun i've had in a while. it got us in trouble, but hey "shit happens" *stolen from jay*. yesterday after school, me and joel walked to big m and my grandpa came and got us..we just hung out in my room and waited for andy. then andy came and we all just hung out. at like 5:30 jessie came and we left..went downtown and saw sara and danielle and then we went up to big m to wait for chris...he got out a couple of minutes late, then we went to a plus for cigarettes and down to nyp and met people..chris never ended up going, but me andy joel and jessie all got in the back seat of mindy's car. went to erica's to get a sweatshirt and to pee. then we left. we got to the house that we were supposed to be at and it was burnt down, well in the proccess of burning down which was really ironic. so then we called raychil and greg came and showed us how to get to the bluffs. we all got there and started drinking, and me, jessie, and ceira went off in our own little corner and smoked.. i don't remember how much i drank, but i know it was more then 6 beers, and we smoked like 4 bowls or so. i actually can not remember a lot which is honestly rediculous. we just all did some crazy things, talked to some weird people and then the cops came...we weren't going to get in trouble, at all. but shawn gave them a different name and erica was giving them attitude so we got our parents called. got here around 11 and i soo wanted to peace out for good...but i don't know where i would've gone.. so i just got something to eat and passed out. i woke up at 9:30 and mike said andy was coming to get his shit, so i waited outside for him...talked to him for a little and then went inside and just hung out...i fell asleep at noon until 5 and i'm still wicked fucking tired. i feel like complete shit.     eh, well i'll write later..

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